Jokes from a Madman
by Dubstep
Summary: The agency has recently captured a worldwide fugitive and experienced terrorist, who reveals new crimes in the form of jokes. After the first case, he mysteriously dissapears. Will they find him before he destroys the agency? (if you get the refrence, you'll know who Felix Kjellberg is)
1. Chapter 1

Jokes from a Madman

"So, Mr. Felix Kjelberg, have anything else to say to us?"

"Of course. I have some jokes to tell you."

"Go right ahead. Entertain me."

"Why was Six afraid of Seven?"

The agent interrogating Felix froze nervously, afraid that he was talking about the numbered members of their organization"Because Seven Ate Nine?"

"No."

"Why, Felix. Why was Six afraid of Seven?"

"Because Seven slaughtered and ate Six's children and made Six watch."

Felix began laughing, more of a screaming cackle than a laugh, and threw himself at the glass wall separating him from the agents, though it didn't crack the glass.

An Agent shot out of his seat and activated his bluetooth.

"Oracle, give me the location on Agents Six and Seven." Agent 13 ordered.

"Thirteen, you know I cant do that. Their information is classified."

"Dammit, Oracle! This is a matter of life, death, and could possibly compromise our entire organization! Give me their locations now!" 13 yelled. There was a sound of rapid typing, and a sigh.

"Seven is at Six's house for the football game today." Oracle answered.

"(Crap!) Oracle, get the police over there now! I'll be right there!" 13 called, and ran off, slamming the door behind him after hearing Felix screaming "Tick tock, tick tock!"

13 arrived on the scene as fast as he could, only to be met with ambulances and Six sitting on the steps to his home in a fetal position with cuts and wounds all over him. Six was crying. Six had never cried since he joined the agency 15 years ago.

"Six, I'm so sorry! I should have been here earlier!" 13 called, and raced towards the agent. Six shot up and glared at 13, his misery only to be replaced with fire and hatred with a mix of agony.

"No (crap) Sherlock! You could have been here a lot sooner, and helped me stop him!" Six screamed.

"I-I'm sorry Six!" 13 yelled back.

"He freaking ATE MY KIDS! He shot Jessica and Tom, and made me watch as he tore their hearts out and ate them like it was nothing! I couldn't do anything, Smith! I just...I wish that I could've stopped him. I could've saved my kids." Six cried, and grabbed 13, crying into his shoulder. 13 shrugged off the fact that Six had called him by his real name and set his jaw.

"I'm going to kill the man that did this." 13 said coldly.

**Started this story using a joke someone told me on the bus a couple of days ago. It then turned into this. For best results, play with requiem for a dream in the background while reading. Thanks once again, for reading! *backflips away***


	2. Chapter 2

Jokes from a Madman II

"Mr. Felix, we need you to pay attention here, because if not, my partner here would just love to take out revenge on you." 13 growled to Felix. Six popped his knuckles, and gave the prisoner a rude finger gesture. Both were in a white padded containment room, Felix was tied to a chair, his blonde(nearly brown) hair falling into his eyes.

"As you wish." He replied. 13 smirked, and stared at Felix.

"So, Mr. Kjellberg. Do you have any more jokes for us? I'd certainly like to he-"

"How about a movie? I like movies! My favorite is The Human Centipede." Felix interrupted.

"Sir, we really have to discuss this. It's importa-"

"Seriously! I want to see that movie again. So much death. It was beautiful." Felix added. Six shot out of his seat and grabbed Felix by the throat, clenching his fist as hard as he could.

"Listen you little b**ch, you'd better start supplying answers, or things wont end very pretty in here." Six hissed. Felix smiled and coughed out a weak "sure.". Six dropped Felix, and glared at him.

"Why did the gunman cross the road?" Felix asked in a sing-song tone.

"Tell me why, Felix." 13 replied.

"To get his revenge. I'll give you a hint, he's still crossing the street. You have 5 minutes before game over." Felix laughed.

"Which street? Tell me which street he's on!" Six yelled.

"Somewhere, over the rainbow~" Felix sang, and erupted into scream-laughter. 13 once again tapped his earpiece to contact Oracle.

"Oracle, are you getting anything?" He asked.

"Not a thing, but I'll keep looking for stuff." She replied.

"Quickly! We have less than five minutes!"

Everyone (excluding Felix) sifted through every piece of information they'd ever received, not keeping track of time until it was too late.

"13, I got something!" Oracle called. 13 flinched, alarmed at the sudden sound from Oracle, but frantically replied with a " What did you find?"

"13...your house. The road its on, wasn't the road called Rainbow Avenue before they changed it?" Oracle asked.

13's eyes widened, and he immediately swung the door open, jumped down the flight of stairs, and bolted to his car, opening the door quickly and hopped inside. He slammed his foot on the gas pedal, and sped towards his home. That bâstard was going after his family.

13 soon arrived at his house, and threw the door open. He ran up the stairs and kicked open the door, looking around wildly for signs of life.

"Amelia? Benjamin? Katherine are you in here? Is anyone here? Its daddy!" 13 called, no answer.

There was a shattering sound in the kitchen like glass breaking, and 13 could hear breathing.

"Who's there?" he asked.

"Don't move, or I'll shoot!" A voice called from the kitchen. The voice was strangely familiar.

"Kate? Kate is that you?" 13 asked.

"Dad?" the voice asked. 13 saw a figure step out from the kitchen. A 15 year old girl with short black hair and green eyes stood before him, but her usually cheerful expression was now cold and scared.

"Dad where have you been? You're so stupid! You could have been here a long time ago!" Kate cried.

"Kate, what happened? Where's Amelia and Ben?" 13 asked. Kate hit the light switch, and under the coffee table, 13 could see his wife Amelia and his son Benjamin had been shot multiple times in various places, and stabbed in the eyes.

"Kate...I-"

"Shut up. Just shut up. I cant take it anymore." Kate yelled, and stared at the gun. 13 fell to his knees and cradled his wife in one arm and Ben in the other. He rocked back and forth, on the verge of tears.

That wasn't the worst part though. 13's eyes shot up when he heard the cock of the gun, and he knew that he was too late to stop the imminent. Kate had the gun aimed at the side of her head.

"Katie! No!" 13 yelled, but he was too far gone. Kate had pulled the trigger. She was dead before she hit the ground. 13 stumbled forward to grab his daughter and hold her in his arms, her limp body was already starting to grow cold.

"Kate, I'm so sorry." was all he could get out, before he held her close to him and cried.

"13? 13 are you there?" Oracle called from his bluetooth. She had something like fear in her voice.

"What, Oracle? What's going on?" 13 asked, choking back his tears.

"13...Felix is gone. He's out of his cell. I'm sorry."

**I'm sorry 13, it had to be done**

**Thanks again for reading guys! *backflips away***


	3. Smoke and Ruins

Thirteen wandered through the agency, people running around amok, small fires everywhere. He walked up the stairs calmly, holding his handgun in a tight clutch, his jaw tightened angrily. He walked down the hallway, and looked into Felix's cell, where the door had been blown off with a bomb of some sort. In the silence, besides the slight simmering of a fire somewhere near, Thirteen could hear fotsteps just around the corner, and slight breathing. He stood as he was, making no sudden movements, determined to stare this newcomer face-to-face.

A figure stepped out from the smoke, and Thirteen raised his gun in a blink of the eye. He held the gun to the newcomer's face, with an expression on his face of sheer cold-blooded-fury.

"Agent Smith! It's me!" the figure spoke, dropping his pistol and kicking it across the room, to show no harm. As the smoke cleared, Thirteen saw the fair-skinned face, blonde haired head of Agent Four. The new kid, as his intel reported.

"What are you doing here, Rookie? You could have gotten yourself killed." Thirteen growled, lowering his gun.

"I know sir, but I could have sworn I saw someone walking up here, I thought you were one of the enemy." Four explained, looking past Thirteen and into the cell behind. "Is that Felix's cell?"

Thirteen froze, looking into Four's eyes, as if he had asked a rather confusing question.

"How do you know about him? The agency told me that rookies wouldn't learn about him until they earned their membership." Thirteen asked, listening intently for something down the hall.

"Wel, some senior members told the rooks about him, and...I heard about your family. Thirteen, I'm sorry." Four replied. But Thirteen had tuned him out, listening for those click-clicks of feet down the hallway. As they got closer, Thirteen's eyes widened, believing it was Felix in his expensive shoes.

"MOVE!" He yelled, jumping around Four and shooting through the smoke into the hallway, at the sounds of clicking.

There was a high-pitched scream, and the sound of someone falling to the ground. Four's eyes widened, and he slowly walked toward the hallway, picking up his speed gradually.

"..oh no. Please don't be-" He trailed off, as he fell to his knees in the smoke, as he saw the body on the ground. It was a female, around Four's age, on the ground, weakly smiling at him.

"I'm okay, I just got startled by the bullets and fell to the ground a bit too roughly." She spoke, with a kind voice. Thirteen only watched, not wanting to interfere with Four and the female. He sensed something, but half a second too late.

The girl smiled, a really happy, enthused smile, but the smoke seemed to darken. Then time seemed to slow as events happened so suddenly. A look of fear flashed across the girl's face, but something happened so all-of-a-sudden that there wasn't anything that could have been done.

There was a loud noise, and the girl was pulled into the smoke, with only a cry of fear. Then, silence rang. Four screamed 'PINK!' and grabbed his gun off of the floor, running off into the direction the girl had disappeared. But Thirteen stopped the rookie from running off into the smoke.

"I know the pain you feel, but it could be dangerous out there." Thirteen reasoned. "We need to find out what's in all that smoke before we go charging out there." Four shrugged Thirteen away from him, and glared at the man.

"Look, Smith. I don't really care what's in there, I just have to find Pink. Felix...he could have killed her by now. Do you want that on your hands?" Four asked. Thirteen's jaw tightened once more, staring off into the smoke.

"He won't kill her. He'll wait to come up with a clever joke, and then we have to find her. Without the joke, we have nothing to lead with. He'll always be one step ahead." Thirteen replied. Four fell to his knees, looking into the smoke.

Thirteen thought about the agency, the years he'd spent training for this scenario, and how he'd failed the rookie, and failed the girl. "In the agency, we never quite thought we could lose it all."

_**A/N: Thanks for reading another chapter guys! I'm so glad that this story made it this far, and I like this new chapter. The last sentence was based off of a song I heard. It's supposed to be in Iron Man 3, but if it is, I'll curl up in a corner and cry myself to death...My favorite band shouldn't be getting this mainstream.**_

"_**With our backs to the wall**_

_**the darkness will fall**_

_**we never quite thought we could lose it all**_

_**Ready. Aim. Fire. Ready. Aim. Fire.**_

_**An empire falls in just one day**_

_**you close your eyes and the glory fades**_

_**Ready, aim, Fire. Ready, aim, Fire away."**_


	4. The phone call

_Jokes from a Madman_

A sudden noise of dripping water woke up the girl in this room. It's a not-too-shabby apartment room with a coffee table, a small kitchen, and two doors. The TV in the corner is on mute, playing re-runs of cartoons.

The girl rose quickly from her slumber, looking around wildly at her surroundings.

_Where am I? How did I get here?_ She thought, slowly sliding out of the bed and onto the floor. Suddenly, violent flashes of memory struck her mind. Visions of a man she did not know, and a familiar face. Agent Four. Then, a cry of pain, and darkness.

The girl found herself on the floor, curled into a fetal position, with the ghost of memories left behind. She rose quickly, dusted herself off, and set off to look through the apartment.

Empty cupboards, empty closets, just about everything was empty in this place. Just as she turned towards the door (she'd checked which one was the exit) there was a loud static noise. She whirled around, to see that the television's volume had been turned to maximum, and it was on a static channel. She quickly hit the mute button, And as soon as she'd done that, a phone rang.

She turned around, followed the ringing noise, and set the phone on speaker-mode.

"H-hello?" She asked into the phone, half not expecting an answer. After mere moments of silence, there was a crackling noise, and a response from the other line.

"Hellooo? Is this Ms. Pink? What are you doing up at this hour? It's a weeknight!"

The woman, Pink, attained a confused expression, and started to respond.

"Who is this? Why did you call me?" Pink asked.

"Dearie, you seem stressed. Would you like to hear a joke?"

"No, I'd like to know who you are."

"Pink, listen to the joke. Once you finally get it, I'll tell you who I am."

Pink's mouth twisted into a little smile, before answering.

"Alright, tell me your joke."

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?" _This is too easy_, Pink thought.

"Betchoo."

"Betchoo who?"

"Betchoo didn't see this one coming."

There was a high-pitched noise from the other end of the phone, that blasted right into Pink's ear. The noise kept going, and soon rang through the entire apartment. Pink fell to the ground, her vision turning to a reddish tint, and she moved her hands to cover her ears. Just as she did so, she felt something warm and watery on her face. She looked at her hands, and saw that they were covered in blood.

"You see, Pink. Sound-waves can do many things for the brain. Just find the right pitch, and it can destroy everything."

Pink crawled across the floor, feeling the blood pumping in her ears as she moved. The phone was too far away at this point. Pink rolled over on her back, covered her ears with her hands, and hoped someone could save her at this point.

Just then, the noise stopped. Just, so abruptly. It just stopped. There was silence for a moment, and then the voice on the other line returned.

"Pink? Pink are you there?" A vary familiar voice, different from the other one. A voice that Pink knew in an instant.

"Four!" She cried weakly. "I'm here!"

"Pink! Are you okay? What happened?"

"There was a noise from the other end of the phone..It made my ears bleed."

"Sounds like a corrupt sound file." Four trailed off. "We'll be there soon Pink, don't move."

"Not a problem. I'm kinda bleeding out, so moving is an issue." Pink replied.

"We're heading your way."

"Great, I'll just be lying around." Something clapped from behind Pink, and she twisted her head to see it. Blonde messy hair, blue eyes, she immediately knew who it was. Felix Kjelberg.

"Now that...that was a really good joke." He added. There was a slamming noise from the other line, and something yelling,

"Don't you touch her, Felix!" Four yelled. Felix laughed, and made his way to the phone, looking back at Pink.

"I'm a bit disappointed that you killed my soldier on the other line, but no matter. This was fun, you'll have to meet up with us some time. The next party should be a lot of fun." Felix chuckled.

"I'll be right there, Pink! Don't worry, everything will be okay!"  
"Bye now, Agent four."

"DON'T YOU DARE HANG UP ON M-"

"Agent Four, please. Calm down. I'm willing to give you our location."

"NOW."

"We're in room 107 of the apartment across from the agency. But you'll have to hurry. Within twenty minutes, a bomb I've set will detonate right under this flooring. With the entire building vacated, except for Ms. Pink here. But you'd better hurry, the clock started five minutes ago. Tick tock, tick tock."

_** A/N: Thanks for reading another chapter of Jokes from a Madman! I felt that I rushed this chapter, but maybe not, I really don't know. Once again, thanks for reading! **_

_** *Back-flips away***_


	5. Through the doors of fate

Jokes from a Madman

Four ran up the steps in the Apartment Complex where Felix had been keeping Pink. He looked down to his stopwatch, that counted down the time he had left, before a bomb somewhere in the complex exploded.

He looked at the hallway numbers, never being able to locate room 107. As he ran down the hallways, he heard a scream from somewhere behind him.

"Four! Help me!" Four recognized the voice as Pink's, and becan to bolt in the direction the sound had come from.

When infront of an unnumbered door, Pink yelled again.

"Help me! Please!"

Four stepped back, and charged at the door, kicking it down and whipping out his fourty-four caliber, looking around the room. When the dust cleared, Four could see something he hadn't expected. A tape recorder.

"Four! Help me!" It screamed.

Four looked at his stopwatch. Thirty seconds.

The tape recorder made a crackling noise, and the sound of Felix laughing.

"I'll admit it. I cheated. But it's your fault that you fell for my trap. Like a mouse caught in a net. An explosive net, that the mouse might not escape." The tape recorder chuckled.

There was a high pitched mechanical whining noise, and then a deafening boom rocketed through Four's ears. The fire was the worst part. Each nearby flame crawled up Four's body like snakes, weakening him by the second. Four screamed out in pain, there was a second explosion, and the sound of the ceiling crumbling.

The sound of Fire Engines wailing rang throuh the room, the only sound besides crumbling and the flames roaring. Four heard the sound of the foremen starting the water-hoses, and then nothing. The smoke clouded Four's vision, and the heat was unbearable. Four saw someone walk through the door, but they were too late. Just at that moment, part of the ceiling fell on Fours chest, and he blacked out.

_**A/N: AHAAA short chapter**_

_**Don't kill me Four! Pleease D:**_

_**Welp, thanks once again for reading! This was kind of dumping in an old idea into a new might had\ve been terrible for you to read. Sorry**_

_**But anyways, thanks for reading! Bye! *backflips away***_


	6. In the hospital

Jokes from a Madman

Four woke up on a hospital bed, to the noise of papers rustling and heart monitors beeping. Immediately, flashes of the fire shot back into his memory, and his eyes widened in fear. He looked around the room, and started yelling, seeing the fire closing in on the hospital room. Three nurses hurried in, and with them, the fire died down a little bit. One nurse was a blonde with his hair cut short, and with glasses over his green eyes; his name-tag read: Daniel. The second was a brunette with red tints and short choppy hair; her eyes were an interesting sort, with bright neon blue contacts, her name-tag read: Geane. The third nurse was a crimson-haired woman, with soft brown eyes the color of hot chocolate, her name-tag read: June.

"Sir? Whats wrong?"June asked. Daniel walked towards Four, and the fire died down completely, as if it had been blown out by some massive wind.

"What happened?" Daniel asked, absentmindedly checking Four's vitals. Four pondered whether to tell the man, but his mind got the best of him.

"There was a fire, closing in on me. On this room. Why weren't you trying to save me?" Four asked. Daniel took a step back and muttered something to Geane, who took notes on a small clipboard. Daniel turned back to Four, looking quite confused.

"There was no fire, Four. You must be hallucinating. You've been paralyzed for four days out of shock." Daniel replied, in a soft voice. Four's jaw dropped a little, and noticed what he had missed the whole time. Something under the blankets was protruding from his side. Out of instinct, he grabbed the blankets, about to pull them back and see what the thing was. But he couldn't. Daniel grabbed Four's hands and gently laid him back onto the bed.

"You can't put yourself under that much stress right now, your body might not be able to handle it, and paralyze you again. You need to rest." Daniel tried to reason. Four shoved Daniel away, and pulled back the blankets, revealing the damage. There was a jagged metal piece just below Four's rib, embedded into his waist.

"We couldn't remove it, it could be fatal." June started, hesitating before continuing. "Don't worry, we're trying to find the best surgeon around to get you fixed up."

Four looked at the metal, tears starting to rise, before jerking his head away to keep the welling of tears away. As his head moved, he saw someone standing in the corner. Slowly, he turned his head back, and there it was. Felix Kjelberg, standing in the corner of the room, smiling and waving. But his smile seemed fake, and his eyes had a scary glow.

"Get him! Now! Who let him in?!" Four screamed, trying to back into the bed. The three nurses looked around blankly, and looked back at Four.

"Who are you talking about?" Geane asked. Daniel looked at four in utter confusion.

"There's no-one else in here but you and ourselves." Daniel spoke. Four grabbed a scalpel, and hurled it at the corner where Felix stood, but it missed, and sailed over his shoulder into the wall.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Four screeched.

"Anesthetics! Now!" Daniel yelled, grabbing one of Four's arms and shoving him down onto the hospital bed.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! HE'S THE BAD GUY!" Four yelled, trying to escape Daniel's grasp. June grabbed Four's free arm, and held him down. Felix began to laugh, and suddenly vanished into thin air.

As Four's energy from his fit began to ebb away, Daniel and June released him..

"You let him get away." Four sighed. Daniel looked at Geane, and sighed, handing her an office phone.

"Call the Asylum, this one's hallucinating. Badly." He whispered, though Four still heard it.

"I'm not crazy! He was right there! He wanted to kill me!" Four exclaimed, jolting straight up into a sitting position.

"Andy look, you need to calm down. I hear it's really nice where you're going!" Geane replied, with a fake smile. She grabbed a needle filled with a clear liquid from the table, and held it behind her back as she stepped toward Four.

"My name isn't Andy, it's Four. And wherever you think I'm going, it's not going to happen." Four replied coldly. He grabbed the metal shrapnel from under his rib, and ripped it out of his skin, throwing the blood-covered, rusty metal onto the floor.

He grabbed a hospital blanket, and made a run for the door, pushing June to the ground in urgency to escape. He threw the door open, and began bolting down the hall. He opened an elevator, clicked the button for the first floor, and waited for the doors to shut.

Down the hallway, he saw Geane, holding her needle, and walking briskly towards the elevator.

"Sh*t!" Four cursed, and spam-pressed the 'Close Door' button. All the while, Geane kept advancing.

"_Close, close, close, close, close, CLOSE, CLOSE, __**CLOSE FOR CHRISTS SAKE!"**_

he yelled. Just as Geane was about to step into the elevator, the doors slammed shut, and Four felt it descending slowly. He toook the moment to wrap the hospital blanket around his wound, to keep from losing too much blood.

Finally, the elevator stopped on the bottom floor, and Four ran through the lobby, and out through the hospital doors. Behind him, he heard the doors open, and someone yell "Stop that man!".

Four didn't waste time checking who had yelled, he just dodged into a crowd of pedestrians, and walked with them until he reached a street where he couldn't see anyone. He broke off from the crowd there, and began to walk down the street.

As he walked, he bacame tired, and collapsed onto the ground, looking into a puddle of water. He saw himself, and someone behind him.

Four whirled around to see Felix standing, a wide grin stretched across his face.

"You...You're just a hallucination. The people at the hospital told me. I'm not scared of you." Four challenged. Felix laughed, a cold chilling laugh, and narrowed his eyes at Four.

"It's touching..really..that you think about me enough to hallucinate." Felix chuckled. Suddenly, Felix reared his arm back and struck Four across the face with a crowbar. As the blood dripped from a corner of his mouth, Four's eyes widened in fear."

"Y-you..." He breathed. Felix smiled, and reared his arm back again.

"But as you should have realized by now-" He paused to backhand Four with the crowbar, knocking him into the puddle of water. "_I'm not a hallucination_."

Felix put his foot on Four's cheat, grabbed the crowbar in both hands, and raised it above his head. He flashed a devilish grin, before both arms came crashing down, the crowbar slamming into Four's head. There was a cracking noise, and then nothing.

_**A/N: W00T! Another chapter finished! I dont know if anyone expected this...its kinda long. I liked it, I hope you will too. Thanks for reading this far!**_

_**Backflips away**_


	7. Everything will be okay

Jokes from a madman

Pink shook her head, finally awakening from a long bout of sleep. She looked around the room. A silver metal coated the walls and floor, with the exception of a single window that opened out to a busy street. Though the curtains were half drawn, so noone could look inside. Pink found herself sitting on a metal chair, with Felix sitting on a chair right infront of her. Felix looked into her eyes, and smiled sheepishly.

"Hi." He commented.

Pink tried to jump away, but her knees buckled and she ended up falling on her side. Felix got out of his seat and helped Pink back into her chair, lightly brushing hairs out of her face.

"Sorry, I should have told you. Your legs have been paralyzed from the knees-down. So you can't leave. But it's okay, you're safe with me!" Felix explained. Pink shook her head, and kept squirming in her seat, trying to move her legs to no result.

"Noone is safe around you, you're a freak and a psycho. You belong in a prison." Pink growled. Felix chuckled lightly, his smile faltering on one side, and he looked at the ground, blushing ever-so-slightly.

"What do you want? Answers? Well I'm not talking." Pink added, glaring at Felix who was now looking back at Pink, his bluch glowing a little bit.

"I don't want answers. You just need to be here." Felix spoke quietly, his voice wavering. Pink thought for a moment, and narrowed her eyes, lowering her voice.

"You think you can catch Four by using me as a lure? It won't work! He'll know about your trap before it happens!" Pink exclaimed. Felix looked, really looked, into Pink's eyes.

"No don't worry, it'll work. Four would do anything to save you." Felix replied.

There was a sudden slamming on the door, and it flew inward, kicked by some force. In the doorway, there stood Four, holding a gun, aimed at Felix's chest. Felix made a exasparated noise of frustration, and looked at Four with an annoyed expression.

"Do you enjoy crushing my plans? Is it fun for you?! It's not fun for me! How did you even get out of your cage?! Oh right...I didn't lock it." rambled. Four didn't say a word. He jerked the gun downward, pulled the trigger, and shot Felix in the shin.

"If you're smart, you won't get up." Four snarled, and made his way to Felix's body, crumpled on the ground in pain. Four grabbed a gun from Felix's holster around his waist, and heaved it across the room.

"You won't be hurting anyone else. After I get Pink out of here, I'll be calling the agency. You'll be regarded like an old trash bag. I'll see to it that agent thirteen burns you alive." Four growled, and limp-walked to Pink, leaning her onto his shoulder, so she could rest her weight on him as they walked.

Four and pink turned on Felix, and began to walk towards the door that had been kicked down. Everything seemed perfect. A rescue mission had gone just as planned, and the two were together again. Felix would be in jail. Everything _was_ perfect.

Suddenly, there was a clicking noise, and a bout of laughter.

"TWO GUNS (Female dog)!" Felix screamed. There was a single blast of gunfire, followed by a loud cracking fell to her hands and knees, screaming in pain. Four shot at Felix, missing his chest, but hitting his arm.

Four sank to the ground after Pink, noticing that blood began welling around her lower back, and a portion of her spine was missing, replaced by a pool of blood and a small, stone bullet.

"Four, I-I can't move!" Pink wailed. "Help me!"

Four whirled around, and noticed that Felix was off of the ground and at the window.

"We'll be seeing each other soon, you'd better be expecting me." And with that, felix dove through the window, and out onto the busy street, running off into the distance.

Four turned back to Pink, picked her up, and held her in his arms.

"You'll be okay. Just don't worry. Everything will be okay." Four lied.

In the face of a bitter truth Pink would have faced, a sweet lie made all the difference.

_**A/N: Hi guys! Thanks for readig yet another chapter of Jokes from a madman! I don't know how I felt about this felt a bit rushed, but not too badly. I hope you liked it! If you didn't, that's okay too. Again, thanks for reading! Bye!**_

_***backflips away***_


	8. A game of Chance

**Jokes from a madman**

Low, quiet murmurs echoed through the darkness. The tunnel seemed to go on forever, though, here was something at the end. A light. A warm, comforting light, that made Pink feel protected and secure. The closer she got to the light, the more alive and secure she felt. Suddenly, she was close enough to touch the light. She reached out with her arm to touch the light that made her feel so safe...

Pink blinked her eyes open, looking around the room slowly at the unfamiliar faces. It was a clean white room, with men and women in blue scrubs standing around her, conversing quietly. She looked down at herself, a pale pink blanket covering her from the chest down.

"Where am I?" she rasped. Something was wrong. Talking didn't feel normal, as if she were only whispering. Even with that, no-one in the room turned to look at her. Pink took an inaudible breath, and opened her mouth to try again.

"Where am I?" she repeated, louder this time. A man in blue turned around slowly, his eyes wide at the now awake Pink. Withing moments, everyone in the room had turned, now silently staring at Pink with shocked expressions.

Somewhere in the back, someone wasn't silent like the others.

"What is it?! What's going on? I can't see!" a voice called. The sea of blue-clothed men and women parted, letting the holder of the voice come through.

Four walked through the opening, up to Pink's hospital bed.

"Four, wh-" Pink started.

"You're in the hospital. You've been shot in the spine, the bullet went all the way through, and it took a large piece of bone with it. You've been sleeping for six days. The doctors performed a surgery on you, to get your legs working again." Four explained, slight tears in his eyes. "I'm just so glad that you're not dead."

A doctor stepped forward, tinkering with the heart monitor and some tools for the bed, to get Pink sitting in an upright position.

"Ma'am, I'm Doctor Tennant. I'll be performing some tests on you today to make sure that the surgery did it's job." Pink nodded.

"First, you'll need to move your head, to make sure that part of your spine was healed." Pink shook and nodded her head. The doctor wrote something down on a clipboard.

"Can you move your arms?" The doctor asked. Pink stretched her arms, which felt good as she had been sleeping for six days.

"Last test. I'll need you to move your legs." Pink swung her legs back and forth at the knee.

"Miss, Can you move your legs?" The doctor asked. Four looked at Pink with worry.

"I am moving my legs, look!" Pink looked down at her own legs, to see that they were still. She tried to move it, but it was still.

"I was moving them a second ago! I swear! I felt them moving!" She exclaimed.

"Pink," Four started. "You haven't moved your legs. They've been still this entire time."

The doctor wrote something down on the clipboard, and put the board on a table nearby.

"PARALYZED!" He yelled. There was a sound of gunshots, and several doctors fell to the ground, bleeding from various parts of the body. The remaining doctors were holding guns and standing. The door to the room opened slowly, revealing an enemy. Felix.

"Good job Doctor! Sadly, you have no purpose in this anymore." Felix spoke coldly.

The doctor blinked, and started stammering nervously.

"B-but...Mister Felix! I-I sabotaged the surgery! I made sure that she wouldn't be a problem anymore!" Felix closed his eyes in a bored way, and sighed.

"Yes doctor. But you should know. When I say 'Make sure they aren't a problem' I mean kill them. Not paralyze their legs forever." Felix replied. He quickly pulled a pistol from behind his back and shot the doctor in the chest.

"If you want to do something the right way, either do it yourself, or hire better henchmen. That's what I always say." Felix said.

"But boss," A nurse started "I've never heard you say that." Felix shot the nurse in the stomach, and in the chest when she'd hit the ground.

"See? Get the henchmen that do things without asking questions." Felix walked toward the hospital bed Pink lay in, and picked up a medical knife.

"Pink, I'll be with you in a moment. Hold this for me, would you?" Felix asked, showing her the knife.

"I-I don't see how that would work, I'm strapped into a hospital bed." She replied. Felix nodded.

"Oh..that's right. Just hold it like this." He stabbed the knife into Pink's thigh, halfway to the hilt. Pink erupted in a scream of agony, writhing in pain.

"So you can feel your legs, but you can't move them. See? Worthless henchmen. Can't even paralyze someone correctly." Felix growled and shot the dead doctor again, then averting his attention to Four, being held at gunpoint by two henchmen nurses.

Felix smiled at four, and pulled out a coin. A large one, one of the silver colored, half-dollar coins.

"Let's play a game. You call heads or tails. Call it correctly, and I'll shoot myself. If you call it incorrectly, I'll shoot Pink. In the stomach. So she can still be alive to watch the next part. Call it incorrectly again, and I'll shoot you in the chest, then I'll let my henchmen stomp both of you to death. Creative, right?" Felix asked. Four just glared at Felix.

"I pick tails. Tails never fails." Four growled.

Felix threw the coin in the air, and slowly it fell, twirling in the air, deciding the fate of Felix, Pink, and Four. It fell silently, and landed in Felix's open hands.

Reflected in Felix's eyes, the coin landed on...

_**AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA**_

_**I'm so sorry ;o; don't kill me**_

_**I haven't been active on this story, and I broke a promise to a friend. I know it's not the time you wanted it to be updated, I know I'm late, but an update is an update, right? Right!  
Anyways, thanks for reading another chapter!**_

_***backflips away***_


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